Job

Emploi, lavoro, trabajo, trabalho, werk, beschäftigung, 仕事, job. 

The source of income for most Americans. The source of stress for most Americans. The source of lifestyle for most Americans.

I need a job. I was initially planning on asking my parents to get me something online, but I thought that I asked too much from them and I though that I'd make my own money. Pull my weight around for once. What I want to buy costs $632 and ¢¢95. It's Photoshop. I know it's sort of an absurd thing to buy, but I run a blog, and the use of Photoshop (especially for GIF-making) is quite important. The price is very high, so I found it too much to ask of my parents. I will do all I can to make this money and pay my parents off. The thing is, will they even decide on actually ordering the software for me. That's my biggest concern right now. That and finding a job that will pay well.

Hopefully my luck will burst out of my ass, and I'll be able to get the money and have my parents order my Photoshop. Hopefully!

Free Topic: Fandom

     The word "fandom" is defined as "the fans of a sport or famous person." I initially discovered this word from one site, and only one: Tumblr. Before Tumblr, I thought I was the only girl overly-obsessed with a celebrity. After Tumblr, I became well aware that I wasn't the only person who could  be such a maniac over someone I've never met and probably never will meet. I've also learned to "ship" imaginary couples (mostly from television shows and movies). For example: From Doctor Who, the two characters I would ship would be the Doctor and the Master. Both equally sexy men in their own ways. Can't choose one? Make them a couple. It always makes a fangirl's day to see two of her favorite sexy characters in love with each other. Fandom fangirls also give names to their couples like "TenSimm" (David Tennant and John Simm). It's like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt: "Brangelina" Photo example of a "ship" (AKA inappropriate/ extreme fan art):

From above, the two last ones are called "crossover GIFs." Crossover GIFs are two separate GIFs from different movies containing each of the people in the couple. They literally crossover the two GIFs using Photoshop. Its amazing what fans can do.


I found a little something on my dash on Tumblr. Proper credit goes to hesychasm

“Fandom is focus. Fandom is obsession. Fandom is insatiable consumption. Fandom is sitting for hours in front of a TV screen a movie screen a computer screen with a comic book a novel on your lap. Fandom is eyestrain and carpal tunnel syndrome and not enough exercise and staying up way, way past your bedtime. 


Fandom is people you don’t tell your mother you’re meeting. Fandom is people in the closet, people out and proud, people in costumes, people in T-shirts with slogans only fifty others would understand. Fandom is a loud dinner conversation scaring the waiter and every table nearby. 


Fandom is you in Germany and me in the US and him in Australia and her in Japan. Fandom is a sofabed in New York, a roadtrip to Oxnard, a friend behind a face in London. Fandom talks past timezones and accents and backgrounds. Fandom is conversation. Communication. Contact. 


Fandom is drama. Fandom is melodrama. Fandom is high school. Fandom is Snacky’s law and Godwin’s law and Murphy’s law. Fandom is smarter than you. Fandom is stupider than you. Fandom is five arguments over and over and over again. Fandom is the first time you’ve ever had them. 


Fandom is female. Fandom is male. Fandom lets female play at being male. Fandom bends gender, straight, gay, prude, promiscuous. Fandom is fantasy. Fandom doesn’t care about norms or taboos or boundaries. Fandom cares too much about norms and taboos and boundaries. Fandom is not real life. Fandom is closer than real life. Fandom knows what you’re really like in the bedroom. Fandom is how you would never, could never be in the bedroom. 


Fandom is shipping, never shipping, het, slash, gen, none of the above, more than the above. Fandom is love for characters you didn’t create. Fandom is recreating the characters you didn’t create. Fandom is appropriation, subversion, dissention. Fandom is adoration, extrapolation, imitation. Fandom is dissection, criticism, interpretation. Fandom is changing, experimenting, attempting. 


Fandom is creating. Fandom is drawing, painting, vidding: nine seasons in four minutes of love. Fandom is words, language, authoring. Fandom is essays, stories, betas, parodies, filks, zines, usenet posts, blog posts, message board posts, emails, chats, petitions, wank, concrit, feedback, recs. Fandom is writing for the first time since you were twelve. Fandom is finally calling yourself a writer. 


Fandom is signal and response. Fandom is a stranger moving you to tears, anger, laughter. Fandom is you moving a stranger to speak. 


Fandom is distraction. Fandom is endangering your job, your grades, your relationships, your bank account. Fandom gets no work done. Fandom is too much work. Fandom was/is just a phase. Fandom could never be just a phase. Fandom is where you found a friend, a sister, a kindred spirit. Fandom is where you found a talent, a love, a reason. 


Fandom is where you found yourself.”

I think it's a pretty accurate description, don't you think?

           

I don't own the photos on this post. They come from the following sites: k-onwho, aikainkauna, thisisgallifrey

My Favorite High School Memory

     I really don't have a favorite high school memory. If I had to choose one, however, I would have to say it was in the 10th grade. The 10th grade, for me, was filled with fun, adventure, new experiences, new relationships, heartbreak, regret, rivalry, and betrayal. I would leave the bad things out in this one. That's in the past for me, and I would like to keep it that way.
     In the beginning of 10th grade, I had my mind on a set course. I vowed to get good grades, and be the best person I could be, and that's exactly what I did. I did my homework on time, got As in almost everything, and was a kind person to everyone. That was the year. I don't know, I think that this new outlook scored me my first boyfriend. It was weird, and I wasn't used to it, but things were going pretty good.
     After a while things started to become complicated. This is where the regret, heartbreak, rivalry, and betrayal come in. There's nothing more I can say about that. The good times were really good, and the bad times were really bad, but I think that is what makes that year a really good year.

MY DREAM

     Okay so, my dream didn't happen during the evening. I actually woke up at 12 in the afternoon, and went back to sleep at around 2 or 3. Anyway, right before I went to sleep, I watched some Doctor Who. A stomach ache and sleepy-ness were the causes of my mid-afternoon nap.
     Anyway, I woke up at 5 feeling that I had an awesome dream, but I couldn't remember any of it. I knew it related to Doctor Who. I finished the episode that I was watching right before I went to sleep, and then I decided to go on Tumblr. I saw this one photo:

And right at that moment, I remembered my dream. When I read "You're still you," I know it wasn't the same episode, but it reminded me of when Rose got to keep the Doctor's replica at Bad Wolf Bay; my dream was about the doctor's replica. In my dream--everything's a bit fuzzy still--the 10th Doctor came back and saved the 11th Doctor which was really cool because just before I took my nap, I was at the point of the Doctor Who episode where the 11th Doctor needed some saving. And yeah, it doesn't sound special, but listening to someone tell a dream and actually dreaming the dream are totally different. If I would have heard this dream being told by someone else, I wouldn't be fangirling as much as I am now.

Anywho, ALLONS-Y! Back to the real world!

M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

Who's the leader of the club that's made for you and me?
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E.

Hey there. Hi there. Ho there. You're as welcome as can be.
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E.

Mickey Mouse. (Mickey Mouse.)
Mickey Mouse. (Mickey Mouse.)

Forever let us hold our banner high.
High. High. High.

Come along and sing a song and join the jamboree.
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E.

Here we go a-marching and a-shouting merrily.
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E.


__________The song actually starts from here in Full Metal Jacket__________


We play fair and we work hard and we're in harmony.
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E.

Mickey Mouse. (Mickey Mouse.)
Mickey Mouse. (Mickey Mouse.)

Forever let us hold our banner high.
High. High. High.

Boys and girls from far and near you're as welcome as can be.
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E.

Who's the leader of the club that's made for you and me?
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E.

Who is marching coast to coast and far across the sea?
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E.

Mickey Mouse. (Mickey Mouse.)
Mickey Mouse. (Mickey Mouse.)

Forever let us hold his banner high.
High. High. High.

Come along and sing a song and join the family.
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E.

Who's the leader of the club that's made for you and me?
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E.

Hey, there!
Hi, there!
Ho, there!
You're as welcome as can be.
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E.

Me And You Setting In A Honeymoon

     My ideal honeymoon destination would have to be in a place that is somewhat secluded from the rest of the world (not because of the lovemaking, mind you). When people think of honeymoons, they usually link it to one thing: sex. It's true that sex is a big part of the whole honeymoon tradition, but sex isn't going to be my number one priority while I'm there.
     I'm thinking of a place that has nice lighting, maybe on a tropical island (other than the one I live on now). My honeymoon suite will not be in a hotel, but in a sort of cottage housing (not log cabins!). Nice concrete walls, a wooden deck, big windows in some parts of the place to give a very lively view of the landscape from inside, possibly a pool or a hot tub (or both), cool days, chilly nights, probably near a beach. Aw man, I'm getting myself riled up for something that may cost hundreds of thousands of dollars! A girl can dream, right?
     I want to get away for a while, so maybe we'll be on the honeymoon for about a week or two. He better be rich (I'm just kidding) so he can pay for it all. The food better be good, we'll probably buy a cookbook and start from there. It'll be cute and we'd both have fun together. How cute is that? I want nice loose clothing, and maybe some yoga pants. Speaking of yoga, the destination should be meditation-friendly so I can catch up on some yoga (possibly with the mister).
     All in all, I'd want a place that I can go back to in my memories and think to myself, "that was such a fun and unforgettable experience." I want to vividly remember the early Tuesday mornings where I'd sit on the deck, curled up on a chair with a blanket, sipping on some coffee. I want to remember the late nights we spend talking and laughing. I want to remember the moments that were anything but perfect. I want to be able to say that those were some of the best moments of my life. And it all starts with an "I do."

OH MY GOD, I CAN'T WAIT.

Health Tips

     One way to be healthy is to change your diet, of course. It may not seem easy (honestly, it really isn't easy to change diets), but it is possible. First, start with a positive attitude. No more with the "I can't" or the "it's impossible." It is possible. Second, make some changes on your grocery list. Purchase more fruits and vegetables. When you are cooking, make sure to use non-stick alternatives to cooking oil just to make your dish a bit healthier. On to the greens: Nutrients are one of the main reasons we eat vegetables, so to keep their nutrients, try steaming your vegetables instead of boiling them. Try incorporating as much vegetables in your diet as possible.
     Cut back on the junk food. ever heard of the phrase "It'll go straight to your thighs"? Well, junk food contains a whole lot of calories which will definitely not do your body good. Calories are good, but too much of them is a bad thing. Snack on something with a lower calorie count. And what other way to get rid of calories than by working out? Work out is good for your body. When you work out, you sweat, when you sweat, your body allows itself to detoxicate which is a good thing. Working out also releases certain endorphins that make you happy! Not only are you getting fit, you're being a nicer person. How cool is that?

What The Fuck Is So Special About Valentine's Day?

     Well, tonight put me in a bad mood. This morning was fine. I was fine. I made no plans with my boyfriend, and I was okay with that. It's a school day and I had a volleyball game right after school, so nothing could be planed, really. I spent the day fine.
     About 7:30 in the evening my boyfriend texts me and asks me if I could go over to his house after he's had dinner with his family. I--thinking of Valentine's Day, and how it's the day of love and whatnot--decide to put off some plans for that night, and cut the visit to my dad's house short. I planned on doing my homework right when I got home, so I could catch up on some early sleep. I had to cancel that. I asked if I could just bring my homework to his house because I'd been sick the past few days and needed to catch up on a lot of stuff. He said that would be fine.
     I spend the next hour driving home, and getting ready. By the time I left the house, it was already past nine. As I walked to my car I thought, "Man this is pretty late, but I'll sacrifice my time for the sake of Valentine's Day." Sure enough, after some time driving over to his house (he doesn't live close, by the way) I get a text saying that he'd prefer it if I could "reschedule." "Reschedule"?! Reschedule the time that I wasted getting ready for something that wasn't even worth it? No.
     In a fit of fury and frustration, I sped back home, told my mom how much of a waste of time this night was, and rushed to my room. The thing that would have been the least bit helpful was for him to at least call. I didn't hear my ring for my message, and by the time he re-sent it, it was too late, I was long past my house. I didn't reply to his texts until I had cooled down, and even then, my reply was still satirical and cold. I didn't intend to hide how pissed off I felt.
     I put him as my first priority when I had all these other important priorities to tend to, and he blew me off last-minute. Great. Just great.

Happy Valentine's Day, bitches.

Dear Cupid

     Dear Cupid, please aim your arrows at Paul McCartney, Robert Sheehan, Francisco Lachowski, David Tennant, Adrien Sahores, and the rest of my list of sexy men for me. Thank you!

Please

     Please don't judge me. Don't sort me into any class without thoroughly getting to know me. I hide so many things from so many people, sometimes it results in people seeing only one side of me. I prefer to keep my secrets to myself, and I prefer it if people respected that. No one has to know the true me, and if I do decide to let someone know the true me, that's when they have the right to judge me. I may say things that I don't mean, or things that are completely invalid, but when I say them, I say them from my heart. I may be lost in the moment when I say things, but they are what I feel. They are the parts of me that can't contain themselves inside my mind. It's hard to explain myself completely, so I decide to hide a lot of myself away in the shadows. I think differently than most people, so my morals and thoughts may sound silly to some, maybe even unrecognizable.
     This different way of seeing things makes way for potential enemies. I don't look for enemies, I'm as nice as possible to people until they cross me. This is the biggest reason I'm writing this post, because there may have been many misunderstandings between a few people and I. I don't try to look for trouble, but I'm always prepared for it. If I have said anything to offend you, I'm sorry. I apologize because I never truly mean to insult anyone in any way. I'm direct, so I say it how it is. Don't make the truth a reason to hate me.









(Well, this has sort of been a deep, sappy rant. I don't like writing like this, but it's truly how things seem to me. Ugh. Why can't people just be nice. Jesus H!)

Oi, Dickhead

Here are the men who I've claimed, and no one can have:

• Paul McCartney
• Robert Sheehan
• Francisco Lachowski
• David Tennant
• Adrien Sahores
• Ryan Taylor
• James Dean
• Jakob Hybholt
• Fernando Torres 
• Ralph Fiennes 
• (Probably more, let me wrap my mind around them in the next couple of days)

They're all a part of my sexy men fantasy, so just leave me be. If you like them, make sure I know nothing of the sort, so I'll be happy.

Flabbergasted Beyond Compare

     I had the best dream ever in my life last night. I remember it so vividly. I think it was a mix of that one scene from "I Just Want My Pants Back" and the GIFs I saw on Tumblr of David Tennant from the mini-series "Casanova," and from when I made out on the hood of my car, and probably from the fact that his nickname is David "Ten-inch." Yeah, his fans went there. Anyway, it was pretty quick, but it was worth it. It's the first dream I've ever had like this. Never in my life has this happened. They say that dreams aren't direct projections of your subconscious, dreams project something that's supposed to mean something else. You know, like when you use the word "banana" to refer to a penis. It's like that. Not direct, but you know what it's insinuating.

Anyway, to make a long story short, we had sex. Lol, it wasn't graphic or anything. I just knew we did.

LIFE: FULFILLED

My Favorite Dish

     I really don't have a favorite dish. It just depends on my mood. Sometimes I feel really carnivorous, so I crave steak, or some chicken, or maybe some pork. If I'm feeling like a hippie, I'd crave some salad, or some fruit. When I'm craving something Scottish, my favorite dish would be David Tennant. If I'm craving something English, I'd probably have some Paul McCartney, or some fish and chips. My favorite Irish dish would definitely have to be Robert Sheehan, who could resist?! Anything else I'm missing?
     If I'm craving some old-fashion American dish, I'd definitely go for some James Dean, or some Marlon Brando. If I'm craving a Brazilian dish, my body will definitely be satisfied with some Francisco Lachowski, with a dab of Marlon Teixeira. French dishes anyone? Something better than escargot? Has to be some Adrien Sahores or some Pierre Boulanger, oh, and don't forget that savory Clement Chabernaud. If I'm feeling a bit rebellious, and I want to break the rules, I'd have some Ash Stymest. Something exotic from the pits of Europe? Definitely some Jakob Hybholt and some Yuri Pleskun. Delicious. Canadian dishes? Ryan Taylor, of course. No one can turn down some Ryan Taylor.
     You see, I like dishes from all around the world. I simply can't have a single favorite dish when there is a whole variety of them that have different qualities and tastes. Too many to choose from! It's impossible! It's like trying to make and Ood laugh, you just can't. I hope you take my advice and try all the dishes of the world!

                                    

Listen Up, Kids

     If and when I decide to have children, the lessons I'd teach them would be reenforced throughout their childhood so they would grow up to be smart, independent, loving, and successful people. I've honestly made so many mistakes in my life. Even though I'm still seventeen, I've learned a lot. One of the first things I'd teach my children is importance of education. I have found out the hard way that in order to be a successful person in general, one must be able to understand things. Understanding and building an understanding of everything is really important. I would teach my children to work hard in school... or else.
     Another thing I would teach my children is to be nice but not to let anyone push them around. This is from experience. I don't look for enemies, I really don't, but again, I don't let people push me around. When I have a problem, I voice it, or I do something about it. My children will not be pushovers. I will not let them be. They will fight for what they know is right. I'll raise them to understand the differences between right and wrong (without any prejudices).
     I'd teach my kids to have fun, and not take things too seriously. It's one thing to be mad, and it's another thing to be a sore loser. No one likes a sore loser. My kids will have good intentions, and when they lose at something, they'll accept defeat and move on. Dwelling in the past is one of my faults, and I don't want my kids to do the same.
     My children should understand the value of things. Growing up, I've always understood that nothing is forever, the world is suffering, that there's always a limit to abundance. I will each my kids to be happy with what they have (and of course, I'd spoil them every now and then). I don't want snobby children who could care less that their parents got them a new pony for their birthday. None of that will be tolerated.
     Patience is a virtue that I'll teach my kids. I myself am not a patient person, and that's okay, but sometimes it's not okay. I'll teach my kids how to... let's say, be as patient as their little bodies can be without having them want to burst out in fury. Patience is a precept that I can be lenient on.
     Lastly (but definitely not the end of my many lessons) I'd teach my kids to shoot for the stars. Nothing big ever came to someone who didn't have a purpose. If my kid has a passion for something, I'd totally be supportive. When someone is there supporting you, you'll have the tenacity to keep it up. I want my kids to know that I'll always have their backs. I'm their mother, and it's in my nature to protect and nurture my children. I won't ignore their dreams, nor will I question them. If they want something, they will work for it, and I'll be there to support them the whole way through.
     I see my children as a second chance; to pass down my lessons and knowledge; to stir them away from my mistakes; and to guide them through life so they would be better people than I was. I'll tell them everything, good and bad, and hopefully, they'll understand and live happy, fruitful lives.

I'm Entering A Deep Depression

I'm coming to that point where the tenth Doctor (David Tennant) is going to die and a new Doctor will regenerate. I don't want David Tennant to leave the show. He makes a perfect Doctor. I'm going to cry and fall into a deep depression after he leaves. You know that feeling where you have something awesome and irreplaceable, but it gets stolen or lost forever? That's how I'm feeling right now. David Tennant is my awesome and irreplaceable something.

BUT I LOVE HIM, PAPA! I love him. Don't take him away from me!

I Have Encountered The Best Knock-Knock Joke Ever

GET READY FOR IT

"Knock-knock"

"Who's there?"

"Doctor."

"Doctor Who?"

Doctor Who?

     Are there any words to accurately describe the feelings I get when I hear, see, or even speak of Doctor Who? No. Nothing can accurately describe my love for this show. It's gripping, sentimental, and fun. It's one of the few (well actually, one of two) television shows where I would go out of my way to watch all the episodes. It's one of the best, if not the best show I've ever had the chance to witness.

     It's safe to say that I'm in love with David Tennant. He absolutely makes a marvelous doctor. Compared to the first doctor, there are huge differences in appearance, and probably attitude, but David (the tenth Doctor) is just, just.... again, there are no words to describe my feelings.

     I'm getting to the point of the show where David Tennant's reign as the Doctor is coming to an end. I will cry. I will cry my heart out when he finally does leave. I'm cherishing every moment that he's on screen, and I'll refuse to take my eyes off of him while he's still there. God rest my soul when the new Doctor comes. I know I'll have to give him a chance. Maybe I'll like this new Doctor, but I know I'll not like him as much as I love David Tennant. NO ONE CAN REPLACE DAVID TENNANT. NO ONE. IT'S BEST YOU PUT HIM BACK ON THE SHOW. SO MANY HEARTS ARE BROKEN BECAUSE OF THIS. SO. MANY. HEARTS.

What I Fear The Most

     My worst fear is losing my mind. Not necessarily going crazy, but losing my sense of reality. I fear that  I'll see things that aren't there, and that I'll hear voices that no one else can hear. It's frightening because it's all in my head. No one else is able to relate to me. No one can help mitigate the nonsense that is going on within my mind. I also fear being confined in the deepest, darkest chambers of my subconscious mind, not being able to tell whether it's reality or not. I'm afraid that my worst thoughts will come to life and make my world a living nightmare. I'd rather be dead, for death is simple; it is short and painless.
     I'm not afraid to die. Mental torture is what gets me. The mind is what makes a person, and if that mind is flawed or lost, so is the person it belongs to. I thrive on my sanity. I don't think much for religion or spiritual stuff because my sanity keeps me from believing so. It makes me who I am. If ever my sanity begins to slip, so will I.
     Have you ever seen those horror movies where the killers mess with a person so badly that it drives them to insanity? That's what I fear. It's the thought of not being present. The thought of being lost. I don't want to go crazy; I don't want to feel insecure. I like contentment: reality. Imagination isn't real, actions are. Dreams aren't real, actual events are. There are differences between real and not real, and the day I lose my sense of reality is the day I lose everything, and that scares me the most.

A Talk With My Yoga Teacher

     My yoga teacher and I had a talk today, and my views on some things have changed, for sure. She says that when a person is faced with a strong-minded, independent person, they act as if that strong-minded person is a threat. It is true. I'm not afraid to let my opinions be heard when things are wrong, nor am I afraid to stand up for myself and defend my voice. This is why those "mean girls" don't like me. I don't fall for their "shallowness" and "insecurities." Their bullying is all they know how to do. It takes a strong person to stand up to them, and when someone does, they're not used to that. This is where I come in. I can stand up for myself even with no one by my side. Hopefully, I'll be able to pave a pathway for everyone else to follow.
   

The flaws you pick on with other people are the flaws you see in yourself. Remember that.

Mean Girls

     You know, I've never actually thought that those popular, narcissistic high school girls in those movies even existed. I've grown up on this tiny island, and I go to a very small high school. I've never had problems with anyone; I've never been in fights with anyone; I've never wanted to cause any harm, or wanted to ruin someone's life. No, nothing of the sort. I've always thought that those girls were only in movies; only actresses. Not anymore.
     Saipan International School is really small. Honestly, really small. So small that you could memorize every person's name in the whole high school if you wanted to. It's possible. This small atmosphere should cause people to know each other, therefore, understand each other better. Unfortunately, there is this lot of girls who I don't particularly take a liking to. They say what they want and do what they want, and it's making them look so bad. People are too afraid to stand up to them because they come off as relentless and inconsiderate, and I'm beginning to believe that is exactly what they are.
     I'm not trying to be mean by saying these things. I'm but speaking from experience. I'm the only person I know who is brave enough to stand up to them. I don't give a fuck what they think about me. They have no morality when it comes to judgement. It's honestly not okay to talk negatively about a person just because of their appearance. It's downright neadrethal behavior. Who makes assumptions of a person, and then talks badly about him or her without even getting to know the person? They do, duh.
     Today is the day that I officially declared myself fed up with them. During volleyball practice after school, one of the drills required some of us to spike the ball while the other half went and fetched the balls on the other side of the court. Well, it only seemed like three people were going after the volleyballs. They stood around chin-wagging. A ball landed near them, and I called out for them to get it. They heard, but ignored me. Yeah, something's messed up with this picture, huh? Our coach told all of us to gather the balls. I went and fetched the few that I could. Apparently, they were mocking me: "There's a ball over there," they said. "Keep it up, get expelled. Good luck with that," they said. I said those words. To me, only children mock for no reason.
     Now, (thanks to the internet and Twitter), they're making it seem like I'm the bad person. I did not instigate anything. I did not act rude or disrespectful around them. I did not give them any reason to do what they did. They see me as a threat, and I know it. I can handle this alone, but I know people who object to these girls, as well. They just don't say anything about it. They act all nonchalantly in front of them, but talk behind their backs. I don't like that. If there's a problem, make it known, that's the only way things will change.
     I'm left alone. To fend for myself. None of my friends respect me or themselves enough to not necessarily fight for me, but fight with me. I don't like thinking this way, but it makes me question my bond with the friends I have. I would do anything--I would change my views, I would make a fool of myself--to defend a friend, but none of them are willing to do the same for me. This is why I'm better off on my own. No one to have hopes on to help me out, no one to fight with me.
     This is where the mean girls have their advantage. They have numbers; they stick together. I don't have that. None of my friends stick up for me, none of them. If any of them are reading this now, I'd like to make that known. If you're not willing to go out of your way to fight with me, don't consider yourself my friend, because that brings you to the same level as the mean girls.